The urge is growing and growing and growing…

I have nothing to do with Festively Local anymore.

I’m taking the money I’m getting refunded back and traveling.

I refuse to stay in Tennessee any longer.

If I hate to stay here another year, I’m as good as dead.

I’m relentlessly craving wanderlust.

Just back from CouchSurfing in Nashvillle…

It was amazing!

I spent the last 3 days staying with two awesome Belmont University students.

Whoa, I need to update this more often…

Hey guys!

Well, a lot has happened since my last post.

The first and biggest change from last time is… I’m, along with the awesome guys from HillHouse Writer’s Retreat and a few others are organizing a music festival! The festival is really close to actually happening….

It’s scary, in a way. This was how everything for Toronto was going. And out of nowhere, something happened and it ruined everything. I want to really to be happy and thrilled and excited… But I’m scared. I don’t want to get my hopes dash and brutally destroyed like last time, heh. I don’t think I can handle another complete blow up of something else…

Oh, believe me. You will be getting details blogs about Festively Local in the near future.

Secondly, I’m getting tested for ADHD in the next two weeks or so. I hope all goes well and I can get that slip of paper. Once I get a slip of paper sent to my college, I can start getting help from the Disability Services, And! Hopefully! I can get the hell out of a community college and get a BA/BS in whatever I end up studying.

Third. My padres. Uugghhh. I can’t wait to move out. I’m going job hunting next week to all the fast food joints around town. At this point, I don’t care what it is. If I can make minimum wage, which is $7.12 now, and work like 15-30 a week, I’ll have plenty of money for gasoline and to start buying/helping out with Festively Local. I feel horrible that I can’t help out financial at all… But shit happens, I guess.

Fourth… ly? Fourthly? I don’t know, heh. I get the feeling my parents are starting to turn against the idea of the music festival. That, and my trying to talk to them about getting tested for ADHD have caused a big rip between us. This house may be pretty and clean, but the feelings and the tension inside are sick, nasty, diseased… Just sick. It’s not healthy being inside this house, I have to get out before the horrible feeling swallows me whole.

Finally… my desire of traveling around the US/Canada still hasn’t died. I still follow travel blogs. I still pay attention to the news out of Toronto and Vancouver. Everytime I listen to this song, my desire to give up everything (other than the festival, that’s my top priority right now) and head to Toronto and Vancouver grows a little bit stronger:

Listen carefully to the lyrics.

“Wanderlust! Relentless craving wanderlust! Peel off the layers until you get to the core! Did I imagine it would be like this, was it something more than I wished for? Or, will I want more?”

Now for a more sober and less frustrated me…

It’s true what they say about booze; About how it’s the truth serum.

So this much is true in the latter post: I do really want to travel. It’s all I can think about right now. Um. I doubt I’m going back to college this semester. And the interview with the Real Estate Broker went terribly, I think. And the plasma thing’s an idea on how to make money… Eh, I’m too scared to really do it alone.

Here’s a day in the life of me right now:

10am – I wake up.
10:30am – I actually get out of bed.
10:30-4:00pm – Browse websites like Snagajob.com, Monster.com, MediaBistro.com, CareerBuilder.com, NashvilleHelpWanted.com, etc. Call people that’re hiring to see if they’re actually hiring and not just accepting applications. Find out that 99.9% are just accepting applications.
4:00pm-5:15pm – Clean up the house, make sweet tea, make sure the dogs, cats, and birds are fed.
5:15-4:30am – Play video games, watch TV, screw around online, slam my head against the wall a few hundred times.
4:30am – I finally pass out and cry myself to sleep with the text definition of boredom.

Or for the short version:

Wake up. Spam my resume all over the internet. Go through my e-mail to see nothing but rejection e-mails or e-mails saying that they’re just accepting applications. Sleep, eat, drink, or do anything to put a dent into my complete and utter boredom. Fail and fall asleep.

Awesome life, eh? Yeeeaaahhhh, I think I’m going to go back to playing Guild Wars now.

August 23, 2009 – Leaving!

Alright! I’ve had it with Tennessee. Looking for a job in this economy is absolutely pointless. I’m never going to make it as a college student; I’m just not a book-smart person. So! To hell with it.

There’s only one thing in this world that I have any interest left in. What is it? I want to travel. I want out of this town. I will do anything it takes to leave. I just want out… that’s all. Nothing more. All I want is to get the mother fucking hell out of dodge.

So! I’ve set a date. August 23, 2009! Why am I leaving in two months? It’ll give me time to set aside some money, get a plan together, and get shit in order for me to leave.

How am I making money with no job? I’m going to start donating my plasma for money. I can make like 200 bucks a month doing it, all I gotta do is load up on protein and gatorade. And I’m going to pawn/sell off a bunch of crap I don’t need.

I’m packing vastly lighter than what I planned for Toronto. I’m just taking 3 shirts, 2 pants, several pairs of socks, undies, and bras, bathing suite, my laptop, camera, and a blanket. Or a tent. Nothing real fancy.

I’m thinking about heading up North. Or going down to Atlanta. Or heading to the west coast. I don’t know. Where should I go? I’m traveling by finding a ride on Craigslist and CouchSurfing.

So! All and all, I’m about to scream and punch babies if something goes wrong. Regardless, I’m leaving and traveling. Nothing’s going to stop me this time.

An update.

Well.

My job search so far has turned up abysmal. No one’s hiring for anything I would want to do. I may end up having to work fast food; something I’ve avoided like the plague. I think I may be reduced to working in fast food by the end of the summer. But I’m keeping my hopes up.

What have I been doing with my free time? A lot of thinking. And drinking. And fishing. And playing video games. In other words… not a damn thing at all that’s productive.

Nothing exciting is happening in my life. Well. I guess something’s happened… I’ve uh… I’ve decided kinda what I want to do with my life.

I want to be a Journalist. And Real Estate Agent.

LOL, WUT?

I know. It’s weird. But I’ve been thinking while I’ve had free time. I’ve wanted to get into real estate for about as long as I’ve wanted to be a Journalist. I can see how it’d work using my Journalistic skills to sell houses. I don’t know really want draws me to wanting to sell real estate. It just seems like it’d be fun.

I loved talking to people when I was working for the blog. I was also so shy and reserved around people I didn’t know. But after working for the blog, it’s no problem for me to walk up to someone I don’t know and strike up a conversation.

And other things I’m entirely too… yeaaah, I’ll go with I’m too tired… to talk about right now.

Proof I’m still alive!

Until next time, peace! (Btw, Leben ist Deutsch auf Life)

Picking up the pieces.

Not leaving for Toronto was like someone ripping out my heart, soaking it in gasoline, and setting it on a big pile of C4. It hurt. I’d planned everything out, I had it all figured out, everything was falling into place… and some butt munch ruined it all. I still haven’t fount out exactly who it was and whether or not they still have my information. But I can assure you, I’ve been watching my balance at least three times daily.

But none of this has killed my drive to get the hell out of Hendersonville, Tennessee for a while.

I’m not registered for classes next semester. So I have a time span from now until December to do something. One of my sisters said that her friend that’s a lead manager at a salon supply store in Madison. If all goes well, I plan on working there until about August or September and saving up as much money as possible. After having a good bit saved up in a different bank account in a different bank, I plan on traveling somewhere in the States for two weeks or so. The length really depends on how much money I’ll have saved up.

So. You guys. What city in the States should I CouchSurf in? I’m looking at Seattle and Los Angeles. Why? It’s still a good distance away from Hendersonville. And I’ve never seen the West Coast. It’s the adventure I want. And I’m buying plane tickets (so they’re refundable… and I wanna fly again. ).

Eh, who knows? In this economy, I may not get that job. If I don’t get that job, there’s a restaurant opening up about 10 minutes away from my house that’ll be hiring soon. Next week, I’ll start really getting serious about job hunting.

Aaand about college. I’m definitely into taking a semester off. Maybe not a year. But a semester’s a good length of time to figure out what the hell I really wanna do with my life.

Aaand that’s another thing that I’ve been thinking about. What do I really want to do with my life? I have a lot of things I’d like to do with my life.

I would love to do something with psychology/sociology. But! So does everyone else and their grandmother; it’s way overdone.

I love working in publications. I love the crazy madness that happens in the newsroom. Some of my best memories are in that dirty place at Vol State. I learned so much more in that room then I have in any classes. But! Publications are dying like the bumble bees!

I can always go back to the idea of Occupational Therapy (OT). I can get my undergrad in anything I really want before going back for Master’s in OT. There’s a community college around here that actually offers a Occupational Therapy Assistant (OTA) degree.

I’ve heard a lot lately that I have talent behind a camera. I don’t know. I honestly think I suck. But giving it up would disappoint so many people. I like the explanation my boss said. Here’s a certain group of people that own cameras, and that group is huge. There another group of people that have talent with a camera, and that group is a little smaller. The best photographers and the one that make bank are the ones with talent that get training and learn skills to become awesome photographers. Like the ones in the book her gave me for my birthday!

Special Education is also something I have interest in. I loved working with the disabled students in high school. I miss it. And a lot of people said I had a natch for it. But depending where I worked, I’d be making a teacher’s salary. Which is practically nothing. But I’d have three months off in the summer to CouchSurf and travel!

What’s the point in spending money and getting a degree in something if it doesn’t make you money? I know, shallow. But it’s true–at least with me–Money is one of the important things to me in deciding on a degree/career.

If money didn’t matter, I’d get a degree in Zoology and work specifically with Reptiles and Amphibians. But! You’re doomed to a life of Section 8 housing and food stamps if you work with animals.

So! I’ve a lot on the brain lately. Sorry for the long period of silence.

I’m not going.

I’m messaging my hosts right now.

I just can’t do it. Someone took out money in my bank account and I ended up with a boat load of overdraft charges. And I just don’t have enough money right now.

I give up.

Mixed feelings.

Yes. I am struggling HARDCORE. I can’t make up my mind just how long I want to get away. The only thing I know for a fact is that I want to get away. I’m sure every first-time traveler gets these jitters; but holy jumping life-sized Buddy Jesus in a big, rainbow tutu!

I think… I think what I’m going to do is stay in Toronto for two weeks and come back home. Two weeks is plenty of time to get my feet wet in this CouchSurfing/Leaving the country business for me. Doesn’t mean I’m going to give up CouchSurfing and traveling forever. I just have some unfinished business here. I think a break from Middle Tennessee is good for me.

Plus, I could get my job back at Vol State if I stay in town, I may still have that offer at The Muse, and my sister’s best friend may have a spot for me in the store she runs in Madison. In this economy, any job you can get is worth taking. Plus I want to move out this year.

So! My plan of action as of right now is to take a two week vacation to clear my mind and skip town. Come back, refreshed, more relaxed, and hopefully not so fucking tense. Work for the summer and move out in city limits near a bus stop. Get a roommate who will be chill with the idea of CouchSurfing. Work part time, take some online/hybird classes at VSCC, and, host some CouchSurfers. And move on from there.

A year was stretching it.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m so stressed out. I spent the day with my parents and we actually got along… which is insane to say. Most of the interactions I’ve had with my parents lately have been stressful as hell. We all need a break; myself especially.

I’m at critical mass with my stress tolerance. I can’t take something else happening and fucking up.

I’m done. I just need a break. And I’m getting one. Two weeks is long enough to get the gist of what traveling is like. Two weeks is a good amount of time. I think it’ll work out for the best that I don’t run away from everything and anything I know and love.

Picture of the face metal!

Plus, HOW THE HELL CAN I MISS HTID NASHVILLE AND CALL MYSELF A SSS RAVER?!

And!

I just recently bought a 1gb MP3 player.

What music should I listen to while I’m riding on the greyhound to Toronto next week?

Reply and lemme know what you think!